I had to ask some blogger friends of mine if it is okay to write something personal on my food blog. They said yes, it's part of my branding, it's part of me.
I feel like if you're an avid reader of my blog, you should get to know who I am.
You know that I'm a mom, you know that I was a chef, you know that I take awesome photographs, you know that I have a great partner, but you don't know who I was. And why all of these things mean so much to me.
I should start with, I have borderline personality disorder. It's not as scary as it sounds, it just means that my moods are up and down and sometimes I'm more impulsive than most people. It also means that my brain is wired a little different than most people.
I have this innate fear of abandonment, not being liked, I constantly feel like people are either judging me or talking about me. And I feel like no one really likes me or wants to be my friend. If you want to know more about borderline personality, just click here.
I have lived and fought with an eating disorder for most of my life, my weight ranging from 80lbs to where I am now. My obsession and love of food and cooking comes from me wanting to appreciate what caused me so much harm in my past.
I knew that food was good for people, but I did not consider myself one of those people. I did not think that I deserved food. My meals were sparse and I purged and abused laxatives. I have been in and out of treatment for this and sometimes I wonder if I will ever actually have a healthy relationship with food.
^My weight over the last decade
When I cook, I take a passion in it. I put myself in my food, because it's more than just something to stick in my body, it's something to remind me that life is good, that food is good, that I am worth loving myself.
Although, I still struggle with loving myself, my little man and Gareth definitely help me out a lot.
Thank you so much for reading this, it takes a lot to put things like this out there. To say that I have a mental health disorder and to say that it has affected the person that I am today.
Sunday I will have a quick and easy Alfredo recipe for you guys! Here is a little preview!